Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Don't talk back to London Midland

Assault our staff and this will be your next destination, buddy. The clanger. The nick. So think about that before you start trying any of yer physical assault, or, what's that..

..verbal assault? Yeah, buddy. Watch your mouth, or it's straight to the fucking chokey, you got me?

This is only the latest in a long campaign by the train operators to shame us for the scars we inflict on their beleaguered staff. This old chestnut's been hanging around for about five years --

-- which, apart from annoyingly misunderstanding the phenomenon of scrambling the middle letters of words (the point is that they're easy to understand), and begging the question "six rail staff? I bet more manicurists are assaulted on the job than that", includes the dreaded "verbal attacks" in the small print again. There was even one with a picture of some guy's black-eyed, beaten-up mug staring forlornly out at you. Presumably you're meant to remember the last time you argued with a snotty ticket collector, fall to your knees and cry "what have I done?".

I think the staff in question have noticed, cos now they're getting precious. True story: the other week, after two cancelled trains, some passengers went up to the driver's carriage and asked what'd happened. "The next person who says anything, I'm calling security," she bellowed at us, "because this is verbal abuse!" I nearly told her that no, it wasn't, but y'know, I didn't want to risk a night in the cells.
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